On weddings.

By the end of this year, a good percentage of my closest friends will be married. It blows my mind a little that the season we talked about in hypotheticals is now upon us. Bridesmaids dresses, bachelorette parties, gifts! And then there's the mental preparation for such a shift. I find that the abstract shifts are the ones that require the most mental preparation. These changes aren't marked by a new grade or title, but rather by the passing of the days all leading up to one.


Did I tell you I'm officiating one of my very close friend's weddings? She asked me over gchat one day while we were at our respective jobs, discussing various details about her wedding. "Would you do it?" she typed. "Would you officiate our wedding?" A hot flash went over me—the excited nerves of being put on the spot.

There's something you should know: I'm known as a crier among my friends. It's become an inside joke (with more people on the inside than the outside), and through the years I've learned to own how easily I am moved to tears. This is what gave me pause when she asked me.

"Will you be able to do it without crying?" she joked.

"I would be honored to do that for you. If you wanted that, I would love to do it for you," I typed with clammy hands. We joked that we'll do a bunch of dry runs—her walking into a room wearing her wedding dress, music playing low while I sit watching her enter and re-enter until my eyes are dry.

This was several months ago, and the idea has become another detail of their upcoming wedding. I no longer get clammy hands at the thought of it, and I've begun researching how to become ordained (it's surprisingly easy). I've been watching wedding videos, reading wedding blogs, flipping through poetry books looking for any bit of inspiration where I can find it. I haven't written much more than a very rough draft, but I trust that all these little bits will come together in the end, much like the wedding itself.


It's interesting to track the evolution of the language I use with my closest friends; the conversations we are having now that we have never had before. Over dinner and wine, Meg turned serious and said, "I'll want you to be my maid of honor." It had begun as a joke and suddenly we were in an emotional moment. She is not engaged, but there we were, planning her wedding.

This past weekend, people came into town for pre-wedding activities for our friend Nicole's wedding in July. Friday night was my second bachelorette party ever, and I found myself turning to Crysty and yelling over the music, "I feel like I'll never be this happy again!" We laughed at the absurdity of that sentence, at the idea of being the happiest I'll ever be at a drag show in a seedy-looking bar in the middle of Bay Village, but there was some truth in it, too. After college, we all drifted to our various chosen cities—some of us to several chosen cities since then—so these big life events are finally what has brought us all back together again and again.

When someone asks if I think Mike will propose anytime soon, I smile and say that I'm not sure, but I'm cherishing being fully present for this part of several of my friends' lives. I'm thankful that I'm not distracted or preoccupied by planning my own wedding so I can relish the anticipation of theirs. And the truth is, I want this phase in our lives to take its sweet time, for these reasons to keep bringing us all back to my living room, to Jenna's kitchen, to Jacque's Cabaret for as many years as possible. There's no rush as long as we're all together.


Cyndi Waite said...

This is so good! And it made me cry!! haha I've always been drawn to girlfriends who have never had marriage on the front burner. Like us, kinda. These days, I want that season to be here and everyone to go a little starry-eyed and say yes and then I do so I can have these reunions, too! And penis cake!

Melanie Yarbrough said...

:) This is definitely one of those situations where it's nice to have friends in all different phases of their lives! We can keep having our non-wedding reunions until the time comes.